emilioestevez: story time so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
brvdleysoileau: how is “slut” even an insult wtf get that dick grl
billfuckinghader: “eat healthier” “you should exercise more”
fasterfood: half of me wants to be a really physically active person but the other half of me is like “nah son” and how can I argue with that
letlove-bleedr3d: lolyoureabitch: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE LIFE CHOICES I STILL COUNT USING MY FINGERS AND I SING THE WHOLE ALPHABET TO SEE WHAT LETTER COMES NEXT I STILL HOLD UP BOTH HANDS AND MAKE AN L SHAPE TO REMIND MYSELF OF LEFT AND RIGHT I STILL HAVE TO THINK OF AN ALLIGATOR EATING THE BIGGER NUMBER TO USE THE < AND > SYMBOLS. EVEN WHEN I HOLD UP BOTH HANDS AND MAKE AN L...
loliconprince: I WAS WATHCING PORN AND MY MOM CAME I N MY ROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING SO I SWITCHED TABS TO THIS FUCKING IMAGE AND I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD I HIT MY TESTICLES AND I STARTED CRYING AND MY MOM DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING SHE JUST LEFT
year is 2392
child: mommy i can't sleep
mother: don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations
mother: RACK CITY BITCH RACK RACK CITY BITCH
fartgallery: silhouetteofapocketedindividual: fartgallery: I bet that in the future movies wont even need actors, they’ll just create the characters using computers and stuff animation. thats the thing you described. i need some time to think my thoughts
amazinghowell: im laughing so hard i was scrolling down tumblr and it stopped on this picture and just in that moment my mum came in and i stopped scrolling aND SHE THOUGHT I WAS STUDYING CHEMISTRY SHE WAS LIKE “AW YOURE SUCH A GOOD DAUGHTER STUDYING AT 9PM YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK” AND I WAS JUST
pizzaforpresident: fffcuk: pizzaforpresident: pizzaforpresident: IM ON THE PHONE WITH A VITAMIN COMPANY TO FIND OUT WHY THE BOTTLES ARE SO BIG IF THE PILLS ONLY TAKE UP 10% OF THE SPACE INSIDE IT’S BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO PUT ALL THE INGREDIENTS AND WARNINGS IN BOTH FRENCH AND ENGLISH SO THE BOTTLE HAS TO BE BIG ENOUGH TO SUPPORT A LABEL WITH ALL THAT TEXT why are you screaming I’M JUST...
4-8yr Olds Describing Love.
Rebecca, age 8: When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
Terri, age 4: Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Danny, age 7: Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
Nikka, age 6: If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
Elaine, age 5: Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
Chris, age 7: Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Mary Ann, age 4: Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
british: american people are so annoying
chinese: american people are so annoying
mexicans: american people are so annoying
french: american people are so annoying
americans: we are so annoying
canadians: I fucking love maple syrup
australians: we can do your accent but none of you assholes can do ours AHAHAHAHA
jaclcfrost: avatargrimes: jaclcfrost: chiptunehero: jaclcfrost: no one ever talks about peter pan’s brother peter pot peter pot the only boy who was higher than peter pan and this is probably why no one talks about him peter pot is so high, he neverlands. and it’s definitely not because of any faith or trust or pixie dust
ryannxp: irisowl: So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized Dr. Robert Evans I looked it up My dentist is Captain America’s dad omfg
i-o-u-an-assbutt: iamaproudsuperwholockian: counting-to-one-hundred: APPARENTLY ACCORDING TO CBC NEWS TUMBLR IS KNOWN FOR “Foul language and nude photos” REALLY? THATS ALL? WHY NOT THE AMAZING ARTISTS? THE SOCIAL JUSTICE? EVEN THE PHOTOGRAPHS ON THE SO CALLED “HIPSTER BLOGS” WE ARE MORE THAN JUST FOUL LANGUAGE AND NUDE PHOTOS. WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT Are we? yes we fucking are...
tupacabra: hidden autoplay
wheelbreaks-thebutterflies: hawkeyedriza: absolutelydestinysmood: nannajane: in 7 years its going to be the 20s again so we can bring back swing music and the aesthetics of that era but keep modern values who’s with me you can’t repeat the past can’t repeat the past? why, of course you can! of course you can. old sport
cannibal-swag: FUUUCK, THIS IS MY VOICEMAIL...
sam-i-am1124: wearesorryfortheinconvenience: wearesorryfortheinconvenience: my friend is CONVINCED he is the one who brought on post limit. a few years ago he was reblogging a single picture as fast as he could as many times as he could and then the server crashed and ever since then people started hitting a post limit its his fault we go through this if you where wondering this is the...
I’ve just realised i want to do an acoustic cover of Tighten Up
homestuckofficial: your-otp-just: the47thguywiththisuser: homestuckofficial: creators who are nice to their fans so not andrew hussie so not the guy who creates a webcomic which we can read for free and has an upcoming game in progress for all of us soon huh. yeah andrew hussie, not nice at all bless you
i just noticed how fucked my last.fm is from setting Daily Routine as my alarm clock
thebeatlesordie: sometimes I make fun of bieber or 1d fans for how ridiculous they look when fangirling/stalking them but then I remember beatlemania and… how one time a girl almost died because she tried to mail herself to the beatles in a huge box beatlemania was and is seriously insane
last.fm: gossfunkel →
quietersmallervoices: This being my music blog, I feel I should share my last.fm. Foobar and Spotify both scrobble, so almost anything I listen to gets caught by it. in other words, why the hell is my old sucky profile picture on this i look fucking retarded